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Post by Mister ''X" on Dec 27, 2010 15:58:17 GMT -5
Time to give out gifts besides STD's to the students of Jacksonville High. Now we all know we're suppose to be acting all nice and shit today and give out gifts and I come baring just that. You know what I have for you guys? The sacred Secret Santa list with alll your shitty gifts. Yep thats right, I know who had who and what you got. But I can't give it to you just yet. I first need to let you guys know how crappy of a shopper you people are. My 102 year old grandma gets me better crap then what most people got. Seriously, cash would have been great. But to give you an idea....
Carter Andrews , you got yourself a bass guitar. Going to go out to the bus stop and sing for some spare change? Probably use it to sing Timothy some sort of do me now song. Seriously, the person who got you this paid a pretty penny when they could have gotten it for half the price down at some alley. I feel bad for how much they spent, especially for you. Your tongue hockey games with Kaitlyn Todd should have lowered the price for any gift. Santa has you on the naughty list.
Aubrey Jenkins you got yourself a Laker's jersey. How original, getting a basketball player a NBA gift. The person who got you this has to be from L.A just because they probably picked it out for that reason. Does anyone know or care what team Bree goes for? Well lets just say I'm kind of surprised she got this because the gift giver usually has better taste than this. This sort of crap is what Christmas shouldn't be about.
Abigail Collins you got yourself a teddy bear flash drive. Really, this girl probably has the worst taste of things out of you all. I had hoped that her gift giver was going to give her a box of cigarettes. You know, toughen her up a bit. Make her finally look her age instead of some 12 year old middle school kid who still believes in Santa. She needs to start drinking milk or something. Grow some funking inches already.
Darius Whitfield you got yourself the classic tales of a Mr. Allen Poe. Maybe the person wanted you to read to them every night a story? Maybe they're telling you to read these tales to get your fucking head off Bree. Either way, you got something to do. Read to some poor kid, read to yourself just get the fuck off Bree, or fuck her already.
Garritt Cromwell you got yourself a t-shirt. That's right, just some fucking t-shirt about getting shot. What do you get some spoiled ass kid who has everything already anyways? The gift giver could have at least picked out a better shirt. It's like they never wore one before or something. Hope they left the tag on for a refund.
Rafiel Crisitano you got yourself a t-shirt. Fuck both you and Garrit are unlucky. Person could have at least gotten you some sort of weed to calm your little attitude down. The person who got you probably didn't have time to get you anything and got you this “fly” shirt last minute. Another one that has to go to the return list. You probably would have preferred Analeigh under your tree wearing one of her skanky outfits.
Emeri Monroe you got yourself a Star Wars chess set. I had laughed so much when I found out I nearly had to go to the fucking hospital. Is Em really this immature? If he is, this might have been some fucking shit to keep him distracted from when ever his mistress calls him to do crap for her. This gift giver probably wants to play with you when they're trying to forget their own problems. Get back to being 5 again.
Phoenix Dentton you got yourself a beanie. That's right, a beanie. One that doesn't look very well made either. I'm willing to bet Phoenix already has this beanie with several hundreds other designs in his room. The gift giver should have gotten their head out of their ass and focus for once to get a good gift. This person needs to get his fucking shit in check and learn to buy crap for others,
Noah Su you got yourself a fedora and a jelly bean dispenser. Seriously, an owl would look better with that hat. I thought fedoras were out-lawed for being burned out? And for the jelly beans, they are making you go back a couple of ages. Maybe you and Abby can get hopped on off the sugar of that shit and go play with the 5 years old. He got two gifts, two fucking gifts that are shit. Burn the hat, sell the candy.
Jessie Floruite you got yourself a pick up women book. Okay, seriously this was probably the best gift anyone can get, especially to give to you. Maybe it can finally tell you how to get Kayla to hope into bed with you. With all this person can get you, they got you this. Seriously, this person could have gotten you something extremely better, something that costs more but they were smart and got you this. Hope it helps.
Analeigh Nava you got yourself a bracelet. Just a fucking tiny bracelet. What should have been a “How To Be Less of a Bitch For Dummies:, she got a shitty bracelet. I expected better taste from the person buying the bracelet. Maybe she's trying to make Ana look bad with it because they get better things. With the way this person is shopping, I was disappointed. With all they got, they can at least share a little what they can give.
Savannah Ballard you got yourself a box fulled of candy. The gift giver is probably trying to get her fat off it. They maybe just wants her not to like it and give it back to them. I mean with all the shit Savannah does, she doesn't look like a girl to need a sugar hype to get through her day. I doubt the girl is going to eat all that, it looks like one of those gift that you need to share with the person who gives it you. Either way, its going away to some poor child.
Timothy Wright you got yourself a soccer jersey. Something Carter is eventually just going to rip off you. Is it me or are people just running out of ideas and giving away shirts? Probably helps to know the gift giver of the shirt isn't a stranger to the field. Although they may be busy chasing off some girl to even care about giving the gift.
Kaitlyn Todd you got yourself an alarm clock ipod connecter. Finally you have the clock to schedule make out time with a random guy and then more make out time with Chris. You should use these skills to teach the person giving you the gift the power to make idiots fall for you. Well more like lust for you if you're into this kind of girl.
Ellie Smit you got yourself a Elefun game. Further proving the point that all blondes are dumb. She's probably going to skip class all day to just play this game. It says 4 and up but there's a limit on when you should stop playing games Ellie. Maybe the gift giver is trying to get you away from other people. You know, less completion on the guys. Yes it's a girl who gave her this.
Christopher Judd you got yourself a collection of drum sticks. Are you going to join an emo band after the lost of Kait. Wait, did they get back together in NYC? Is he really going to forgive that slut for making out with his enemy. He needs some brains up in that head. Not that the gift giver has any advice, they got their own girls to worry about.
Mildred Weinstein you got yourself a Les Mes DVD. Oh god, are we going to be listening to this walking by her in the halls? Who ever is giving her this gift needs to be shot right now for giving us this up coming pain. The person responsible for this probably wants to bug us with their own so called talent but really, Mildred and the gift giver are just going to end up homeless.
Preston Adriani you got yourself a soccer jacket. You probably already have a million of them but hey, another one couldn't kill you. I mean you can use one for your room mate Bree and then give another one to Savannah. I mean can he be playing them both? The gift giver probably wouldn't have noticed being trapped in their own world.
Aidan Wilde you got yourself Call of Duty: Black Ops. Going to smoke up a blunt, stay up all night playing while getting the munchies. Kayla probably is going to stop you before you get to do any of that. She can play along with you but is that really what a couple should be fucking doing at night? Gift giver probably going to be getting some while you become a video game junkie.
Artemis Greene you got yourself a panda pillow pet. Seriously, the commercial for these shits are annoying but of course point dexter here is going to love it. I mean, is it me or does she try to hard to play the nerd? The giver of the gift should probably just use it as a pillow and give her a ride for a night to slap the nerd out of her or something.
Yeah....you guys suck. I say it again, you guys fucking suck. But just to end this on a....note. Going from Greatest to just plain crap.
Bass Guitar – Carter
Ipod Connecter Clock – Kaitlyn
Drum Sticks - Christopher
Teddy Flash Drive- Abigail
Call of Duty – Aidan
Soccer Jersey – Timothy
Laker Jersey – Aubrey
Edgar Allan Poe Collection – Darius
Soccer Jacket- Preston
“I'm So Fly” Shirt – Rafiel
Beanie – Phoenix
“New York” Shirt- Garritt
Bracelet – Analeigh
Pick up women guide – Jessie
Star Wars Chess Set – Emeri
Fedora and Jelly Bean Machine – Noah
Box of Candy – Savannah
Panda Pillow Pet – Artemis
Elefun – Ellie
Les Mes DVD – Mildred
X
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