POWER(LESS) COUPLES

[Mister ''X"]

POWER (N) ;

CONTROL AND INFLUENCE: control and influence over other people and their actions.
PERSUASIVENESS: the ability to influence people's judgement or emotions.

When I opened up a message this morning with the subject power couples of Jackson High I was intrigued. I wanted to see which couples stood above their classmates.. but when I started to look through the list, all I could do was laugh. I figured that before starting this entry, I would put the actual definition of power up for those who haven't the faintest idea, and judging by some of the couples on this list, I'm pretty sure you're all clueless. Luckily you have me willing to shed some light on the power couples - or, rather, powerless couples, around Jackson High.

JORIAN, or James Watson and Dorian Delaney, seem to be the latest pair to get bit in the ass by the love bug. It's funny that I mention ass considering it's sort of how this love came about. Turns out our little Dorian was still a card holding member of the virgins club around campus until James got ahold of him. But wait, people are saying that it wasn't James who took that gift from him but instead his twin brother JACOB WATSON! How fucked up is that? I guess it's not too bad though, Jacob gets the piece of ass while James gets the cuddles. Still, how long can James stay happy knowing that his twin brother got in Dorian's pants before he could? There is no sign of power in this couple though, other than that invisible leash that Dorian has around James which makes him follow right behind like a lost puppy.
POWER COUPLE RATING: C+ , Dorian might have some pull, but it's nothing near power around campus.

KAYDAN, or Kayla Todd and Aidan Wilde, have been an item for quite some time around here so they might be able to pull off the term 'power couple.' It's like the stupid leading the blind with these two, though, doesn't anyone else see it? Kayla, blind to the fact that her boyfriend has been hit in the head with one too many lacrosse sticks, will pretty much do anything for Aidan with him barely having to lift a finger. I'm guessing things are back to normal in the bedroom though since she seems rather chipper around campus, but then again she could just be back on her medication too. Did anyone else get the stripper show at the charity auction that Kayla put on? Talk about classy, not that I minded (though I wish I'd brought some spare bills and had a front row seat).
POWER COUPLE RATING: B , even if Aidan's a complete moron and Kayla's a moody pest, they still have power around campus.

CHITLYN, or Kaitlyn Todd and Christopher Judd, are actually kind of cute in a rabid put them out of their misery sort of way. First of all, who in the world came up with this name? Chitlyn, sounds like one of those little pieces of gum you'd have to eat a whole package of for a good enough piece, chicklets I think they were. Yes, Kaitlyn is the calmer, more down to earth sister, and yes she has both beauty and brains going for her (or so I have heard), so why in the world would she want to date someone like Chris? Simple people, have you seen that purse she's strutting around campus with? Or those designer shoes and outfits? She's in it for the money, and little foreign boy has more than enough to share. I hope she's at least putting out for him, someone mentioned her being a virgin and I almost felt bad for Chris. Who in their right mind would spend all that money on someone for not even a roll around in bed?
POWER COUPLE RATING: B- , Chris is still new so Kaitlyn is the only one with the real significant power.

XACK, or Xavier Crow and Jack Acres... who are these people? I'm serious, you're giving power couple status to a sophomore and junior? Come on guys, do you not know anything about the way high school works? You don't have a say in anything until you're walking up to get your diploma, and by then it's too late, anyway, so why even classify these two as a power couple? Looking at their names does cracks me right the fuck up, though; I mean, a crow is dating a harvester, am I the only one that gets the farm and field joke? What'd Jack do to lure Xavier in, leave a pie baking on the windowsill? Don't worry though, if you want him gone all you'll have to do is put up a scarecrow. Shit like this is hilarious, these two are made for each other and I hope to see them on the list in a couple of years.
POWER COUPLE RATING: C- , nothing against them but nobody is going to be persuaded by a little sophomore no matter how much glitter he is wearing.

HAYIM, or Hayden Sherwood and James Parker - do they ever come out of the bedroom? I don't really hear about them, and yet they're on the couples list? Must mean something right, it's always the quiet ones you have to worry about, I have always been told. I think I heard something about this pair pretty much undressing each other with their eyes all the damn time, so it would only make sense that they would bring the party back to the dorm. I really wish I had more to say about them, their silence could surprise us all I guess. Since I'm not my usual opinionated self I will tip my hat to them, they have shut up the beast, but that just means I'm going to try even harder to get some dirt on them. Those two don't even know what I'm capable of.
POWER COUPLE RATING: C , give me time to figure more out about them and i'll be more decisive, but for now just watch out for them.

Well that was fun now wasn't it? The top five list of power couples and only two of them got above a B? Ha, I think you guys need to pick better couples or get over the whole notion of 'power'. I am not quite done yet though as below these top five were other couples that deserve a mention, or at least they figured the pairs did. I'm not going to go through them all as it'd be a waste of my time, but there are a few here I just can't pass up commenting on!

TARTER, or Carter Andrews and Timothy Wright, have got to be two of the dumbest guys in the entire school, and that's saying a lot since Tim happens to have one of the leading GPA's for seniors. Is it sad that everyone around campus can see their damn infatuation with one another except for them? It's sickening watching them stare at each other, I really want to lock them in a room with nothing but a bed and some lube just so they'll screw and get it over with, but since that'd be wrong, I'm stuck watching the same old shit every other day with them. Am I the only one who seriously hates re-runs? If they don't get their shit together soon and get up in there I'm going to change the fucking channel on them.
FUTURE POWER COUPLE RATING: C, if they can't even be powerful enough to get together there's no chance the rest of the school will take them seriously.

NABIGAIL, or Noah Su and Abigail Collins, are you fucking kidding me people? Names like this let me know that this is ultimately just a joke and you guys are stupid if you believe any sort of power could come from these two. What, is Noah going to sing and dance for you while Abby feeds you homemade chicken noodle soup or something? They're so innocent that the first taste of power would corrupt them, and then they wouldn't be the perfect little innocent and naive couple anymore. They lost the battle before it even began, how sad is that? Then again I'm sure they're used to it since nice guys do always finish last, right? Better luck next time Nabigail, now run along and play like the good little boy and girl you are.
FUTURE POWER COUPLE RATING: F, it's just not going to happen, they're too bloody nice.

NAITLYN, or Noah Su and Kaitlyn Todd. Didn't we already go over this whole thing with Noah just above? He is a nice guy, thus doomed to fail miserably at trying to take over the school, but if you think having him paired with Kaitlyn makes all the difference I'll humor you. Both of them are fucking smart right? The only way I see this pair gaining power is if they put their brains together and come up with some dastardly plan to enslave the students to follow their every command through mind control. Oh wait, this isn't some disney movie with a ten billion dollar budget? Shit, in that case it'll never happen so they lose, end of discussion.
FUTURE POWER COUPLE RATING: D, if they were to figure out a way to make that device we'd all be fucked.

PEREK, or Peyton Mcdonald and Derek Whitfield... an interesting pair to say the least, but powerful? Eh, Derek's pretty powerful if you mean doom and gloom 24/7. I don't see him smile, like ever, so it's weird to think that he'd even get into a relationship, but if it did happen I could see Peyton being a good suggestion for a female. She can't hear a fucking thing, he could run his mouth to her all night and she'd have that stupid grin on her face probably thinking about the sound a butterfly makes when it flaps it's wings. I know she's deaf and that's considered a handicap but he's an asshole so shouldn't that be considered one too?
FUTURE POWER COUPLE RATING: C , for pity purposes only, they'd feel bad because she's handicapped and if they didn't he could threaten them. No real power though, just make believe (like a relationship is with Derek in the first place)

DELEIGH, or Analeigh Nava and Derek Whitfield, seem like the evil match from hell. If these two got together it would be the end of Jackson High as we know it. Analeigh's got this sinister mind and adding Derek's brutality? Yes, it's safe to say students and faculty that we'd be absolutely fucked straight, upside down and sideways. With their attitudes, however, I'd wonder if they'll ever even make it out of their dorms, hot and angry sex 24/7 does not sound like a bad way to spend my senior year, anyone with me? I'm almost rooting for this pairing just to see what sort of mess and destruction they can bring around the campus, but neither seem the type to jump into any sort of relationship so who the hell knows.
FUTURE POWER COUPLE RATING: C+ , I say fuck the relationship and just plot hell and misery for the fun of it, that's where the real funs at.

DAUBREY, or Derek Whitfield and Aubrey Jenkins, are the last pairing for Derek I have listed down, damn does that boy get around. Him and her are seen around together, or at least I've been around while the two were together, and is it just me or is there some sort of underlying sexual tension going on? Body language speaks volumes guys so what's the deal, why not just tag it and bag it? Maybe if she gets laid she'll leave him alone, some girls are rather persistent with that sort of thing, right? And with all the woman flocking to Derek there's got to be something he's good at, and I'm guessing it's in the bedroom. Ha, I almost hope it has to deal with Bree wanting to get laid and Derek holding out, it's not everyday that chick gets turned down. She's far too plain for me though, no dresses or anything? Her perfect match should be some drag queen or lesbian, at least then she'd be able to play the male in the relationship.
FUTURE POWER COUPLE RATING: C+ , It might rise to a B- depending on how their relationship outside of the bedroom went, but for now i'm keeping it in the C range.

TANALEIGH, or Timothy Wright and Analeigh Nava, would be hilarious if they ever became a couple. If Analeigh didn't kill him for standing in her way of world domination, or at least dominating the entire student body, I could see these being quite the pair to mess with. With their brilliance i'm sure they could figure something out that'd help them take over the school, and it doesn't hurt that both are so popular and well rounded in academics and after school activities that they'd get a huge fanbase. It'd be complete role reversal though, might as well buy Tim a dress as I can see him being more the woman than she is (which is sad but true at the same time). At least Analeigh knows what she wants and doesn't beat around the bush, so unlike Carter I don't see her leaving him in limbo for too long. She sort of reminds me of a praying mantis though, Timmy better watch his head if they plan to hook up.
FUTURE POWER COUPLE RATING: B , if it ever happened (when hell freezes over) the couple could be a force to reckon with.

KASSIE, or Kayla Todd and Jessie Flourite, would never make it as a couple for one reason and one reason only. They fight like they're already married! Everytime I see those two together they're at each others throats and for what? Who the fuck knows, obviously there are some issues there but it doesn't even matter, like I've said before about other couples, these guys too need to just sleep together and get it over with. I've heard rumors that it's already happened, though, so maybe that's part of the fuel to the fire, either he was lousy or she's just insanely jealous he's not giving it to her anymore. Either way, they need to just find a bedroom soon and get it over with. The world would be a better place without the constant Kayla and Jessie drama, though they would make for one hell of a sextape! In the famous words of the Ashley's on Recess, Oohh, Scandalous.
FUTURE POWER COUPLE RATING: C- , they'd never make it out of the bedroom.

PRESREY, or Aubrey Jenkins and Preston Adriani, are the new roommates on campus that I hear do more than just study and play video games in their spare time. She's doing a good job of avoiding him so far, though; outside of the room, I've seen her with pretty much everyone but Preston, so it makes me wonder what's going on when those doors are shut and nobody else is around. Who thought that rooming with a guy who confessed he'd loved you just a year prior was a good idea? She's not the brightest crayon in the box, that ones for sure, but then again he can't be too smart either if he insists on staying with her when she refuses to tell him anything about her emotions. Damnit, we need to bug their room so we can figure out what the hell is going on in there. Not a couple as far as I know, but i'm sure being the attention whore she is even if they were to go exclusive she'd still be prancing around with every other Tom, Dick, and Harry in this school.
FUTURE POWER COUPLE RATING: B- , they're both popular, not that I like admitting that.

So there you have it, the lame efforts of creating a list of the it couples around campus. I hope next time the list is at least a bit more accurate. Remember: I've given you the real definition of power. Hell, maybe I'll just write my own list next time so I know for a fact it's right. I love challenges like this so go ahead and keep throwing this sort of shit at me and I'll have my way with it. Let's just hope that whoever sends me something next isn't as stupid as this last bloke, honestly did you just randomly look at people and think to yourself oh, these would make an awesome couple, and add them to the list? Better luck next time, how about you do yourself a favor and leave a job like this to someone who actually knows how to do it - moi. I'm out, this school has wasted enough of my time. Later,

X

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