-- NOTHING WITHOUT YOU (TIMMY!)

[carter dominic andrews]

Carter had forgotten how beautiful the city of New York looked around Christmas time, but he also had forgotten how lonely you could feel without a special someone to share the season with. He could not believe that him and Tim, though once perfect together in their own complicated way, weren't even on speaking terms as it'd became apparant that Tim had pretty much hated him. Carter felt as though Tim walking in the hospital room at the time that he'd been kissing Kaitlyn had been some sort of karma or another, but unlike the other times he'd upset the other man he had a feeling this one just couldn't be fixed with a night away from the school and a fancy meal. He had messed up more than he could imagine, and for once in his life he couldn't see an option for fixing it anytime soon. He could not spend his days without Tim though, that was just not an option, so instead of avoiding the situation he'd felt he needed to face it head on. He was going to go up to that room and talk to Tim, let him know that he's not going to run scared just because he's mad at him, and maybe the newfound courage would help Timothy forgive and forget.

He had stopped at the store taking a glance at the beer needing some liquid courage, but then he remembered where he'd been and knew that nobody in their right mind would sell him alcohol, even if he flashed that fake ID of his. He hated being known around the city, and it wasn't even for something cool like a rockstar father or anything, stupid politics had ruined any chance he'd had of getting to drink before going to Tim. Instead he opted for just a soda as he hoped the caffeine would kick in and calm his nerves, or at least make him jittery enough that he wouldn't be able to feel nervous over the immense sugar high. He grabbed a mountain dew though knowing the effects of that sugary beverage were going to be very minor, but that was better than nothing at least. After paying for the soda he slowly made the trip back to the hotel, but before he walked inside he stood on the steps for a while staring out at the traffic as it passed. He could hear horns in the distance, probably some jackass pulling out infront of someone or something, and of course he could hear fragments of conversations as people passed him in either direction.

He knew he could not stay out here forever though, and as he could feel his cheeks getting cold he knew it'd been now or never. He just had to go into that building and face the music, and if Timothy hollered at him so be it. This wouldn't be their first fight and Carter was sure it wouldn't be their last, so he'd just let Tim get whatever he wanted to say out in the open and he'd be done with it. He felt the heat immediately as he entered the building and he just stood under one of the blowing units near the door warming up, after walking the streets for the past few hours he'd seemed to be a popsicle practically. When his body temperature had reached his satisfaction he started towards the elevator, and that is when he'd noticed a familiar person sitting over in the lobby on one of the comfortable chairs the hotel offers. Carter sighed as he pondered what would happen if he just went up to the hotel room and let Tim come up when he was ready. If it was late enough Carter could always roll over and pretend to be sleeping, and at least that would postpone the fight until tomorrow morning, but he'd been a terrible liar so he knew Tim would never fall for that trick.

That did not stop him from heading to the elevator and pressing the call button as he kept glancing over his shoulder into the lobby to see if Tim had been alone or not, and as the elevator dinged and the doors open Carter just stared into the empty space with a heavy sigh. Going upstairs would be running away from the problem and he'd be no better than he was when he'd first left the room, so instead of getting on it he just watched as the doors shut and clamped together as he could hear it rising towards another floor. He tried to give himself a peptalk in his head but it wasn't working out that well, so in the end he figured he just needed to get it over and done with already, so without hesitation he stepped away from the elevator and walked over towards Timmy. He could tell the man had been deep in thought as he walked up off to the side of his former companion, so instead of doing anything to let him know he'd been there he just stayed silent for a moment. He was unsure of how Tim would react, but as he saw him sitting here he had wished all the drama could just disappear, and what better way to do that than to pretend it had never happened? Carter knelt down some near his friend as he cupped his hand on the others shoulders, "you know that ice cream shack we used to always go to is having a special on cones, two for the price of one, so what do you say? Head on down for old times sake for a couple of cones?" First of all it'd been freezing, and secondly he had a feeling Tim could care less about ice cream at the moment, but it was the best Carter could come up with on the spot in hopes of shifting the entire mood right now.

[NOTES. hope this is an alright starter, it's almost 1130 but my brain was all "FINISH THIS POST NOW WOMAN" so I couldn't stop hah]

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[afa]

Tim was having a better time than he'd expected thanks to Charlie, but when she'd gone to hang out with Cadie for a bit, he couldn't keep himself from sinking back into misery. He wasn't trying; it just happened. Left alone to himself, his thoughts would inevitably go back to Carter. As hard as Charlie had tried to convince him to tell his friend how he felt, and as inspirational as her own success story was, he was still afraid. Sometimes, he believed he could overcome that fear. Others, he wasn't so sure. How easy would it be to go back to how things used to be.. to just get over it, and live with calling Carter a friend. Then again, how well had that been working out for him so far? Tim was stuck in between the two choices, hoping desperately for a third option but knowing that none would come. And, as if all of that wasn't bad enough, he was still mad as hell at Carter for kissing Kait. He knew he shouldn't have brought up his friend's dad, but that didn't mean Tim would go crawling back to Carter begging for forgiveness. After all, if the other man hadn't hurt him in the first place, Tim wouldn't have felt the need to lash out like that.

Figuring he would at least try to keep from moping around in the hotel room, Tim sat himself down in the lobby of the hotel. There were a few magazines scattered on the table. Mostly for women, but after a bit of searching he'd discovered a fairly battered copy of Sports Illustrated from about a year ago. It wasn't much, but it would do. He flipped through the pages absent-mindedly, trying to focus on energy drink ads rather than the turmoil of thoughts in his head. It wasn't working so well. Simply the fact that it was a sports magazine reminded him how Carter didn't really play sports: he ended up sitting there staring down at an article about hockey equipment, wishing he could be anywhere but here. As nice as the hotel was and as great as it was to be back home, Tim seriously needed a vacation. If only he were rich, he could go to some sort of lonely deserted island and stay there until this whole thing blew over.

Tim didn't notice Carter kneel beside him, but as soon as he felt the hand on his shoulder he turned. Upon seeing who it was, he jumped, feeling his heart rate increase and not quite focusing on his friend's words until the shock had subsided. The first thought in his head was 'why is he touching me?' Normally, Tim wouldn't have minded the physical contact, but given the circumstances it only served to unsettle him. Finally, his mind caught up to what was going on. Upon hearing Carter's careless words, Tim's expression went from stony and uncertain to just plain mad. Coming over to yell at him would have been better. And an actual apology? Well, that was probably too much to hope for in the first place, but Tim could have handled that. However, simply pretending that they were totally cool did not cut it. Tim had known Carter long enough to understand that he was trying to make the problem go away by avoiding it, but if Carter had any brains at all, he would have figured out he couldn't pull that shit with Tim. Angrily, Tim stood, effectively getting rid of the pressure on his shoulder.

"That's it? You see me sitting here, and you somehow find the guts to come over and talk to me, and you ask if I want to go get ice cream?" Tim hissed, stepping around his friend, "have you ever actually tried to say you're sorry? In all the years we've known each other, even once? Or do you think you can just fix everything by pretending nothing happened in the first place?" His voice became more audible as he continued, "that may have worked before, but you've really crossed the line this time, man. I can't do this any more - I really can't!" With that, Tim turned, heading quickly toward the exit. He needed to get out of that hotel; he needed to breathe. As he came to the doors, he pushed them open without looking back, welcoming the blast of cold air against his face. He didn't know where he was going, but it would be better than trying to deal with all the stupid drama going on right now.

ooc excellent starter. hopefully this is a good second post =P

[carter dominic andrews]

The second he had touched his friends shoulder he knew it had been a bad idea. The look he had seen Tim give him had made that clear, and when the man stood up Carter took a step back unable to stay close to him when he was obviously angry. Carter had known he was before even coming over though, but at the same time of course he hoped Tim would have forgotten about everything. Tim was not the type to simply just forget though, and this time Carter found it hard to imagine Tim even just forgiving him. He would try though, he had to do something, to try to get back in Tim's good graces.

Seeing the darkness in Tim's eyes Carter had half hoped that he wouldn't say anything, and that he'd just walk away, but when he did start to talk Carter wish he could have just disappeared right from the spot he'd been standing on. He shrugged unable to say anything about asking for ice cream, honestly it'd been the first thing that came to his mind and he had to just roll with it, but apparantly it had been a very weak attempt at making peace. He wished that Tim would have just left it at that, but soon he'd heard him start complaining about how Carter could never say he'd been sorry, and how he'd rather just forget something happened than apologize. It was just the person he had grown up being, there was nothing he could do about that, but he should have known that Tim wouldn't let him off the hook that easily.

"You're seriously going to stand there and ask me that question? I may not say the actual words but i'm always trying to get you to forgive me for one thing or another. I swear, it's gotten to the point where I can't even breathe without you finding fault in it and being pissed at me." Carter should not have talked, his words would only fuel the fire, but now that he'd started he couldn't very well clam up now. "Do you know how sickening it gets to always have you mad at me for one reason or another?" He sighed, Tim may have wanted an apology but Carter was getting ready for a fight, not physical though of course.

He tried to keep his voice down so only Tim and those around him could hear, but Tim seemed to have other plans as he became more audible and Carter just wanted to crawl in a hole to get away from him. When he turned and started towards the exit Carter walked behind him not letting him get away this time, "don't think for a second you can just walk away from this," he called out as he stayed right behind him feeling the need to follow, what else could he do when Tim was always complaining about he just up and left all the time instead of staying to face the music? "What happened back at the hospital meant nothing, and I don't get where you say it was crossing the line," he continued making sure he was heard as Tim headed towards the door.

When Tim had opened the doors Carter cursed to himself but stepped back out into the cold to follow him again, usually he'd just let Tim go and be alone until he cooled down, but right now that was just not an option. As Tim walked down the steps Carter stood at the top of them watching him, but when he'd hit the ground Carter rushed down the stairs to still be close as he walked. "What's the big deal with kissing her anyway?" He had to ask the question, it's the first thing that came to his mind.

[NOTES. carter's starting to boil so shouldn't be long now like next reply EEP so excited!

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[afa]

As Carter spoke, Tim found himself beginning to give in. His friends' words were true: he always did something to earn Tim's forgiveness. 'Sorry' was just a word, after all. But somehow, Tim really needed to hear it this time. He really wanted Carter to own up to what he'd done, even though he was fairly certain the man didn't even realize how badly he'd screwed up. This whole thing was just so messed up, and it gave him a headache and he wished he could rewind to the moment he decided to go to the hospital and stay at school instead. As Carter continued, Tim was still having doubts about his own argument. He hated always being mad at him. He didn't even know why he was, half the time... actually, he was usually just angry with himself and taking it out on Carter, which was hardly fair. But how could he explain all of this, now, in the hotel lobby? "Just once, it'd be nice to hear you actually own up to something. Or actually try to talk about what's going on. Pretending everything's okay... it hurts. It doesn't make it go away for me, Carter, it just bottles it all up inside until I feel like I'm going to explode." He looked desperately at his friend, hoping he would understand.

Tim wanted to get out of there, but he forced himself to stay a few moments longer, speaking on. "I know. I hate being mad. I can't figure out why I always am," he admitted weakly. In a way, he knew exactly why, but how could he tell Carter his reason? Considering how little Carter knew at this point, Tim could see how he would be able to turn all of this around. In fact, Tim himself was losing steam. Why? That was the only thought in his head right now. He just wanted to know if there was a reason behind all of this, or if he'd been fighting a losing battle all this time. But, standing there, he thought back to the first time they kissed. He'd been so uncertain and nervous, but Carter pretended nothing had happened. Same with the second time, and the third time... every time. As if it meant nothing to him; as if Tim didn't matter. He remembered how easily Carter had hated Chris, for no reason, and yet he couldn't figure out why Tim always jumped to their room mate's defense? And kissing Kait.. Tim blinked, trying to get the image out of his mind. That had really killed him.

Feeling tears begin to form in the corners of his eyes, Tim turned, finally taking the first steps toward that door. When Carter called out, he ignored him. He couldn't handle another fight right now. Their last one had only been a few months ago, and Tim certainly wasn't in the mood to punch somebody's lights out just so everything could get better. He'd never been good at confrontation, and he'd never been good at running away, but he told himself that by walking out now he wasn't abandoning the issue completely. Sooner or later, he would have to go back to Carter. He would have to tell him everything, just like Charlie said. Even when Carter added that the hotel room meant nothing, Tim couldn't muster a smile. Really fucking great. All this pain over nothing. As if Tim didn't already know he'd only been kissing Kait to get at Chris. In fact, it gave him more of a reason to be pissed. At least if Carter actually liked Kait, Tim would have had a reason to move on, to give up the fight. But now, he was still in the dark.

Tim had been counting on Carter not following him, since usually his friend knew when to leave well enough alone. Though, the fact that the other man wasn't willing to just give up and hope for the best made Tim feel the slightest bit better; at least he knew he'd gotten through. Still, he refused to let himself look back, making his way along the street with a drained expression on his face. At Carter's question, though, he stopped. Tim raised his eyes to where the sky would have been were he not surrounded by tall buildings, taking in the lights and sounds of the city. His hands were shoved deep in his pockets away from the cold, and his breath came out in small clouds. Slowly, he turned, trying to keep himself from breaking down right in front of his friend. "I'm sure if you think about it you'll be able to come up with something. I mean, why did you do it in the first place? To piss Chris off? I'm not sure about you, but that doesn't seem like a very good reason. And don't give me any of that 'she kissed me first' bullshit, because even if she did, I didn't see you pushing her away." He glanced away, hardly able to keep the conviction in his voice. "And..." he shuffled his feet, unable to voice the second reason, "I'm just so sick of all of this." He turned once more, speeding up.

ooc ooomg Heather, it's coming o;

[carter dominic andrews]

Carter wished that there had been something he could say to stop the impending arguement, something that he could think of that could make everything alright again, but as he looked into Timothy's eyes he knew that just wasn't possible. There was nothing he could do or say to fix things this time around, so instead of trying he just let all frustrations out as the words coming from Tim's mouth were like fuel to his emotions. "What am I supposed to talk about? The fact that I kissed Kaitlyn at the hospital? What's the big deal with that? It was just a damn kiss and that's it," he honestly did not think too into the entire situation like Timmy had, but mostly because he hadn't known the others feelings so didn't think it'd bother him. If anything he thought it'd been because he'd pissed Chris off, and if that was the case he couldn't understand why his best friend would turn on him like that just because of another man.

Hearing the word pretend Carter just sighed as his eyes darted from the other to stare at the wall for a second, honestly that word had just annoyed him even though it was exactly what he kept doing each and every single time he had messed up, but unlike those other times Tim wasn't going to do him the favor of putting on the rose colored glasses and turning the other cheek. Carter at least understood that he had done something absolutely terrible to get Tim to react like this, but he was still clueless as to what exactly it had been. "I don't try to hurt you Tim and you know that. It's not like I sit around thinking of ways to make you feel bad, it kills me to know i've upset you, why do you think I do all those crazy things to win your appreciation back? I need you in my corner, you're my best friend," he had hated that label though, he'd always wanted more than just a best friend out of Timothy, but in the end if that's all he could have he'd have to take it. "I don't know what to tell you Tim, I just don't know what to say anymore," you could hear the defeat in his voice, but that did not mean his arguement was entirely done, just that small fragment of it.

When he heard Tim mention being mad all the time Carter just shook his head, "nobody likes being mad constantly," he kept it general and vague although he did see that Tim had temper flares more often since they came to school. He could not understand it, maybe it had something to do with plucking him from his home in NYC, but then again with Tim always being so damn quiet about his feelings Carter hadn't a clue. "I don't like making you mad all of the time, just tell me what i'm doing and I can change it, fix it even," Carter was practically begging to be let in on all of the others secret emotions, but he knew that wasn't going to happen, and as he watched the other turn towards the door he just groaned standing there watching him for a second. He had almost felt like they were getting somewhere too, the flood gates of their emotions had finally opened and they could start to work on the problems at hand, but the second he'd seen the other start to leave he knew he'd gotten nowhere with him. If anything that glimmer of hope was just a mirage, and not a very pleasant one at that he might add.

He should have just left things like that, the moment that Tim left the hotel Carter should have just turned around and went back to the room, but instead he followed him out into the cold not able to stop himself. It was almost like his feet were moving without his brain giving them any orders whatsoever, and of course he did the one thing he knew could get Tim to stop moving away from him so quickly. He asked the inevitable question of what he'd done wrong, and as his friend stopped he did too staring into the others eyes hoping for an answer or two. Instead all he seemed to get was a string of questions as he was forced to look away as even he didn't have the answers he knew Tim wanted to hear. "Did you ever think that maybe I wasn't the one who came up with the damn plan? It's not like I walked in there and told her we needed to make out just so I could piss her ex boyfriend off," he did not think he needed to justify his actions, but apparantly he had as it was eating away at Timothy right infront of him. "Or did you not hear that the two of them broke up? He was being a dick and she kicked his sorry ass to the curb, and I was just there so she could prove to him that she moved on, plain and fucking simple."

He tossed his hands up in the air as he let out a heavy sigh taking a step back from him, "but then again you seem blinded by the man so it's not like he could do any wrong in your eyes," he'd honestly hated how Tim had been so nice to Chris from the start. "The whole idea was hers but go ahead and take it all out on me, blame me because she wanted to move on, just lovely, real great," He rolled his eyes as all frustrations were coming to the surface once more and he could feel his blood boiling within his body. Tim had pushed his buttons a few times before but he'd never gotten this upset, and he honestly had no idea what he was supposed to do as he stood there just staring at him as the other kept laying all blame on him. "Right, we can't all have such moral standards like you though right? I'm just destined to be a failure and keep fucking up, is that it? Just add kissing her to the long list of shit i've done wrong in the past," he should not have been talking like this but he just couldn't stand it anymore, this was not the person he wanted to be, "you're right, I didn't push her away, but to be honest I thought it'd help me take my mind off-" he stopped talking biting his tongue, he could say nothing more. "Whatever, it's not important, and it didn't work if you were wondering," how could he be wondering when Carter wouldn't even let him in on what he'd been talking about?

He heard Tim tell him he'd been sick of it all, but before he could say something the other turned around to start walking away, and that is when something in Carter snapped as he stood his ground. "Right because your feelings are the only ones that matter right Tim? You didn't once think that I was sick of all this too? Sick of fucking prancing around like i'm not madly in love with my best friend? Sick of having to hide my feelings because I didn't want to push away or scare off the greatest damn thing thats happened to me in this pathetic life of mine? You didn't think for one fucking second that I get sick of having to hide everything from you," he stopped talking though didn't bother looking around, at the moment he'd had tunnel vision and all he could see was Tim infront of him a good distance. "I'm sorry if I thought kissing Kaitlyn would provide at least a small distraction from my constant need to be close to you," at about this time he could hear the snickering comments around him but that didn't matter, "so you go ahead and keep walking away, but I can tell you right now it's not going to change a thing about how I feel about you," he sighed as he couldn't believe he'd just erupted like that, but he just couldn't help himself, and even after those seconds he'd stayed silent he'd started to feel a little better about the entire thing.

He finally looked around at the people that had gathered around him snickering and pointing with a bewildered expression on their faces, "You guys get a good fucking seat to the show?" He was as pissed as could be right now, "What, never seen a queer tell his straight best friend he loved him before? Move along now, I said go!" He pulled at his hair some absolutely frustrated as he could feel tears threatening to fall from his eyes, a few braving the cold dry dance down his cheeks. He was absolutely lost and alone standing here in NYC, but it'd always been what he'd expected after he played out the scenario of telling Tim he loved him. Sure he wished it'd been a bit more subtle, or at least he'd wished there could be a few less swear words, but he just couldn't help himself as he blurted everything out tonight. The more he thought about it though he knew he'd been doing a good thing, it all just needed to be said, and even if the words didn't come out like he'd wanted them to at least Tim had known. He just wished all of NYC hadn't been watching, surely this news was going to get back to his father.

[NOTES. I feel that by doing this i've ended a dynasty of them dancing around the subject, and it's sad that Carter had such a potty mouth but he just couldn't help it >.> Hope you enjoy!

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[afa]

Tim couldn't handle talking about 'the kiss' any more. It was all so stupid. None of it made sense, not even the tiniest bit, and if he didn't get a pounding headache in the next five seconds he would be surprised. "I don't know!" he replied, unable to think of a real answer. His mind was screaming at him to get out, and all he needed to do was find a lull in the conversation. "I know you don't try to hurt me, but it keeps happening. Maybe I'm too sensitive," he spat the word out, hating the way it felt on his tongue. It was all he could do to keep from cringing when Carter brought up the so-called 'best friend' thing. "Yeah, best friends." He had no idea what that was supposed to mean, but Tim wasn't really in control of his mouth at the moment. When Carter claimed he didn't know what to say any more, Tim looked at him viciously, all but throwing his hands up in exasperation. "Well, guess what? Neither do I!" Yup. This conversation was going a long way.

When Carter asked Tim to tell him what he'd been doing wrong, Tim simply stared at him. He wanted so desperately to give him all the answers; he could see the confusion in his friends' eyes. Tim had never really been the self-involved sort - in fact, he spent more time worrying about other peoples' problems instead of his own - but he was only just realizing what a toll his increasingly unpredictable tendencies had taken on Carter. How could he lay one more on top? Especially when it concerned something as heavy as love. "I.. can't," he mumbled, finally making a break for the doors. Unfortunately, Carter chose this moment to start being persistent. After his little outburst, Tim watched Carter, rolling his eyes when his friend looked away. He couldn't even stare him in the face and tell him anything straight up.

"You still went along with it, Carter. And if Kait really is over him, she shouldn't have to prove it by kissing the first sympathetic guy who walks into the room." Tim was pretty close to outright yelling now, but he didn't care. He was just so mad at everything. "And even if they did break up, you still knew he'd hate it." Why were they even talking about Kait and Chris? Why was it always Chris? Tim couldn't even remember whether he liked the guy or not; all he wanted to do was crawl back to the hotel room and curl up in the fetal position until his world stopped crumbling. However, it seemed Carter wasn't done with their room mate just yet. "I'm not blinded by him. Where did you even get that idea? You're the one who's blinded by some sort of irrational hatred!" Just like Carter disliked how Tim had been nice to Chris from the start, Tim disliked how Carter had hated him from the start. It was probably the least relevant argument the two of them had ever had.

"That's not the point. The point is, you didn't say no. You didn't tell her to find somebody else. You just sat there, and you let her kiss you! Next to Kayla who, by the way, was in a coma. Just in case you forgot that little detail!" Try as he might, Tim couldn't wipe the memory of what had happened in the hospital from his mind. It had been burned into his retinas. And he'd actually considered Kait a friend... of course, she couldn't have known what she was doing. She was traumatized, for crying out loud. As Carter continued, Tim shrank back, having no idea what to say. It was all true; it seemed he was always finding something wrong with Carter. But how could he explain that it wasn't the other man who had anything wrong with him. That it was Tim, himself, who was the problem? That he'd been trying to push Carter away, afraid of his own feelings toward him? As his friend began to say something, then stopped, Tim felt the tiniest bit of curiosity creep up inside of him. He almost asked what Carter had been going to say, but decided against it. The last thing he wanted to do was push him further. It would be better to walk away, again.

He had only made it a few feet when the other man began speaking again, and by the time Carter began his second sentence, Tim had stopped completely. It felt like there was a fist inside of his stomach, squeezing it into a painful ball of nerves, and he was quite certain he was going to be sick. After the part about being madly in love with his best friend, Tim pretty much forgot how to hear. He turned, looking back at the desperate face of his companion, his own expression more shocked than it had ever been in his entire life. 'Did he just say...' he asked himself, watching Carter's mouth continue moving. Hours passed. At least, he was fairly certain hours passed, seeing as time had somehow slowed down. He was still frozen in place when his ears started working again, and he heard Carter yell something about how walking away wouldn't change how he felt. At almost the same time, he noticed the people who were staring at them. The world came back in a rush of colour and sound, and he suddenly remembered that they were standing on a busy sidewalk in the middle of New York City.

As Carter began mouthing off at the people surrounding them, Tim strode forward, survival instinct kicking in. In one fluid motion, he grabbed his friend's arm, turned, and began dragging him down the street in search of a place hidden from the prying eyes of the world. He was so focused on getting them out of there (not to mention, trying to wrap his head around how Carter apparently loved him) that he didn't say a single thing. An alley or so later, he slowed, releasing his friend from his death grip. For a moment, he just stood there looking at him, trying to catch his breath. It felt like the whole world had changed drastically in the past five minutes, and he wasn't quite sure whether he should laugh or cry or just stare at Carter until he woke up from this crazy dream. Would it be too obvious if he pinched himself? Then again, if all of this was real, obvious wasn't exactly an issue any more.

"So," he said at length, not quite sure what to do. He shuffled his feet, then cleared his throat. Noticing the tear streaks on Carter's face, he hesitantly moved forward, lifting a hand to wipe at one. He wanted to kiss him. Or at least hug him. But he was still trying to let the fact that Carter loved him sink in. Biting his lip slightly, Tim attempted a mischevious smile. "So you're madly in love with me." It was a statement, rather than a question, in the hopes of establishing this fact for certain. If Carter didn't say something soon, Tim was definitely going to burst into a fit of senseless giggles. In fact, he wouldn't be surprised if he went absolutely crazy.

ooc I must admit, that was a great era. But I think it's time for a change. A new year, a new stage in the epicness that is Tarter. It is the end of the beginning, my friend.

[carter dominic andrews]

"Sensitive? And that's somehow my fault because?" He could tell that his friend had become more sensitive as the days passed, but he'd honestly had no idea why it'd been happening. Nothing had changed in their relationship, or lack thereof for that matter, so why had he been so upset lately? Carter wished that he could just figure his friend out once and for all, but he knew it was a lot easier said than done. "I don't try to hurt you," he had to back peddle some though because he'd felt that lashing out was obviously not the answer right now, if anything it'd end up just hurting his friend even more and he did not want that. "You have to believe me when I say that, I would never hurt you intentionally," he sighed trying to make things all better, but he felt that it just could not happen with him simply saying these things. He had to prove it as well, but there was no doing that at a time when he seemingly was hurting Tim the most. "Well, what would you call this?" He'd heard the remark after he'd called him his best friend, and it didn't seem all that eager or happy about the choice of words, "that's a first," he couldn't help but spit his own words out when Tim wasn't sure what to say either. Tim always seemed to have the answers though, so Carter had a feeling this arguement wasn't going to be resolved too easily if even Timmy couldn't find the words to say.

The silence on the other end of the conversation made Carter sway back and forth on his heels as he waited for Tim to tell him what he'd done wrong, but when he heard him say he couldn't Carter's jaw dropped. "So what does that mean? You expect me to just figure everything out on my own and fix it? For all I know I could be doing everything wrong, so does that mean I have to completely re-invent myself just to make you happy? Come on Tim, you have to give me at least a little something to go with, you can't just leave me hanging like this." He tried to persuade his friend to tell him all that had bothered him, but as he looked into his eyes he knew it just wasn't going to happen. Even if it did though would Carter be able to change it all that easily? He couldn't have been doing everything wrong at least or Tim wouldn't have stayed his friend for so long, so now he just had to pick and choose the bad qualities and hopefully toss them. "Is it the drinking?" He picked a random one that he knew upset his friend on several occassions, "because it's not like that's changed any since going to Jacksonville, so I guess I just don't understand why it'd be bothering you so much now if you'd accepted it before," not that he'd accepted it with open hands or anything, but pretty much he'd just figured if it was going to happen he should just learn to deal. Carter did not want Tim feeling that way though, that he just had to learn to deal with all of his flaws, but maybe that's the way it'd become and the other had finally snapped.

"What was I supposed to do? Tell her I wouldn't do that because it'd hurt Chris's feelings or whatever? She'd see right through that lie," it was apparant from the start that Carter had never cared about Chris's feelings, "How do you know I wasn't attracted to her and actually liked when she kissed me?" He looked away for a second to hide the fact that he'd been lying, but then again Tim had known him long enough that he'd probably be able to see right through his words anyway. It's not that Kaitlyn hadn't been a gorgeous woman, she had grown up beautifully, but she just wasn't his type, but then again nobody had really been his type other than the one person he could never have, Timothy Wright. "Did you not see everything that was going on with her?" He asked in disbelief almost in shock that Tim could think she'd be thinking clearly at a time like that. "Her sister was in a coma, the doctors weren't telling her whether she'd live or die, so she was sitting there pretty much doing nothing but going crazy, but you still expect her to just be rational?" He shook his head still unsure of what he should think about all of that. "You're telling me that if Becky was in a damn coma you'd be sitting next to her bed playing Mr. Rational still?" He shook his head once more, "you can't even keep your head straight now so imagine what she was going through," never would he actually be defending her normally, but today it seemed he just had to for one reason or another. "You're right, I did know he'd hate it, and that was just the cherry on the top for me," he'd started the conversation with ice cream so might as well throw an analogy in about it now. "If blind means being able to see them for who they truly are then i'm as blind as a fucking bat," he just pegged Chris as the wrong type of person from the start, so it's not like he'd be changing his views about him overnight anytime soon.

Tim just would not quit about the whole kissing ordeal, and all Carter wanted to do was forget and move on to the more pressing business, why on earth Tim had hated him all of a sudden. "I didn't think it'd matter, all it was was a damn kiss, it's not like we were ripping each others clothes off next to her sister." He sighed shaking his head as he pressed his fingers against his temples rubbing them some. "It's not like we knew you were coming down to hall so we started to make out either," though it was kind of perfect since Tim would be one of the first to tell Chris, and that is how the entire thing could blow up from the simple innocence it'd been to quite a scandal. That is what she'd wanted right? "If I would have known it'd piss you off this much I wouldn't have done it, but honestly I just wasn't thinking about you at that time," his eyes darted towards the ground to conceal his lie. He knew most of his thoughts lead him back to Timothy in one way or another, but he couldn't let the other know that. "How could I forget she was in a damn coma? That's the whole reason I went to the hospital in the first place!" His voice was starting to climb as he just couldn't stay silent anymore, this was all starting to get ridiculous and he just wanted to be done with it. He hated fighting with Timothy and was nearing his end, and he knew he was just going to end up laying everything on the line. He was at a moment where he'd known Timothy had been so disguisted with him that it didn't matter, nothing Carter could say would make things better, so instead of choosing his words wisely Carter would just start to say whatever came to his mind.

Now when he'd dreamt and thought about how he'd tell Tim he loved him it did not go like this. Most of his thoughts had been romantic to at least some degree, but as his friend walked away from him he couldn't help but just lay everything right on the line for him. When he saw Timothy stop he felt a bit better about the entire thing, at least he knew the man was listening to him, and as he turned to stare at him Carter thought that it'd be harder to speak the truth, but infact it'd made it even easier as he looked into the eyes that he'd fallen in love with time and time again. He had wished that Timothy would say something after he'd gotten done his entire rant, but instead he just stood there as the other stared at him with the most confused look on his face. Carter had never seem him look at him that way and to be honest it scared him as he thought of what could be going through Tim's mind at that moment. He gulped as the silence was starting to scare him, and that is when he'd started to take his aggressions out at the prying eyes all around him. He just couldn't help himself, at least by doing this he wasn't thinking about Tim just standing there staring at him thinking only god knows what. He'd hoped it was something positive at least but by judging the mans glance he couldn't be too certain.

When he felt his arm grabbed he glanced over in the direction of the force and noticed it'd been Tim, and like always instead of fighting it he just let the other pull him off in one direction or another. At least in NYC the two had known where they were going for the most part, you can blame that on all their explorations when Carter was avoiding going home, but he was confused when Tim was pulling him into an alley. He figured it was just to get out of the public eye and he looked over at his friend with those appreciative eyes thanking him for doing that for him, but as Tim let go of his arm Carter just rubbed the spot where his hand had been. Tim may not have physically hurt him but for some reason it'd felt like there was a clamp there now, but maybe that's because it'd been the first true touch after Carter had blurted his emotions. Carter, once released, leant down and put his hands on his knees as he took a few deep breathes all of a sudden feeling the world coming crashing in on him, and as he realized all that had just happened he couldn't help but forget how to breathe, so as he coached himself he could hear Timmy starting to talk, or attempt to though he knew the other would be fighting for words. Carter could feel himself calming down just as he looked up to catch the question, and he groaned as he leaned his back against a building and looked up towards the sky, "I don't know how I could have made it any more obvious all this time, and here I thought you were the smart one." He sighed as he glanced over at Tim for just a second to see what sort of reaction he was getting out of him, and from what he could see Tim had actually been somewhat happy about the entire thing. "What are you all smiles about, you just found out i'm in love with you and all you can do is laugh? Seriously?" He had almost hoped Tim would have walked away or something, at least it wouldn't have been better than watching him almost damn near laugh at him, "it's really not that funny you know," he sighed shaking his head trying to wrap his head around how his friend was reacting, what was so funny about this whole thing?

NOTES. i hope this post is alright, I don't have time to read through the entire thing before posting but wanted to get it up for you at least whenever you popped on hah. I LOVE THAT GIF! I loved Tim's reaction to the whole thing as well, haha, poor Carter D: BUT YAY TARTER! WOOT. these two should win COUPLE OF THE YEAR -goes and makes special award- haha. Maybe just t-shirts or something, they deserve SOMETHING at least after all of this, and it's still not even couple time yet! Haha, it's that awkward inbetween stage haha.

[/blockquote][/justify]

[afa]

"It's not your fault. I didn't say it was your fault." Okay, Tim was seriously freaking out now. They were in the lobby of the hotel where any of their peers could see them, having what was probably the most obvious argument of the year, he couldn't think straight, and he was just so tired and done with the constant bickering that he took a step back, slowly giving in so that he could get away. "I believe you," he nodded. Above all, he knew that Carter was still his best friend. The only tihng he'd really done wrong was make Tim fall in love with him, and even that wasn't entirely his fault. Tim should have been able to stop himself; he should have been able to move on before it all came down to this. He looked back into Carter's eyes, shaking his head again to say that he didn't know what else he would call their relationship. He felt so... lost. Normally, he would have at least had some sort of comeback, but tonight he was drained. He did scowl slightly at Carter's bitter reply to his claim that Tim didn't know what to say any more, but it felt like his tongue was thick and useless in his mouth and still he was silent. He was afraid that, if he spoke, he would make everything worse than it already was.

"I'll tell you. Just, please, not now. You - you don't have to do anything. I'm sorry," Tim winced as the apology slipped from his mouth. He had been making a conscious effort to avoid doing that since the beginning of the conversation, but he felt awful after hearing all the things Carter was saying. "Don't change." He looked back at his friend. All the fight was gone from his face. He just wanted to get out of there. He took another step back when Carter brought up the drinking. "Well, I mean, I don't like it but... no, I don't like the drinking." Why not admit it? It was true, at least. When Carter asked what he should have done about Kait, Tim shrugged. "I don't know, tell her to find some other way of getting back at him or proving she's over him or something?" Why did his brain have to shut down now? Couldn't it have waited until after this endless tirade of questions?

When Carter pointed out that he might've actually been attracted to Kait, he finally got a reaction out of Tim, who looked up sharply, not quite able to conceal the hurt which flashed across his face. No, that wasn't the reason at all. He instantly regretted wishing it had been. That would definitely be worse. Again, his tongue gave up and he stood there, waiting for Carter to go on. "Of course I wasn't expecting her to be rational! But if Becky were in a coma, I wouldn't be sitting in my bed trying to convince you to kiss me! I mean, that's even more of a reason not to! She's obviously going through a lot, and she comes up with this plan, probably because she's been confined to a hospital bed staring at Kayla forever, and you think it's a good idea to go along with it?" Tim couldn't believe Carter had brought Becky into this. Of course he was only trying to make his point, but still.. it wasn't like she was just there as something to use against him. He flinched when Carter called hurting Chris the cherry on top... in that case, what was the sundae? Were he not so upset, Tim might even have laughed at that thought, but he couldn't.

As Carter continued, Tim shut down again. As far as fighting went, he'd had enough for one evening. Hell, he'd had enough for one year. It didn't help that it was mostly his fault, as his friend was continuously pointing out. Why couldn't he let things go the way Carter did? A night at a hotel, and boom, everything's better. A trip to the ice cream shoppe and it's like a simple kiss never happened. Easy. "We'll, that's fucking great!" he replied, though he didn't really know what he was talking about. That Carter hadn't even considered him in all of this, when it had nothing to do with him in the first place? Tim didn't even catch the body language suggesting otherwise. In fact, he'd already turned around again, intending to get out of there. Maybe he would go home, after all. It would be better than spending a night in the hotel room, either next to Carter or wondering where his friend had gone.

If Tim had been expecting his friend to say anything as he began walking away, it was certainly nowhere near the admission which the other man made. He wasn't quite sure how long they were staring at each other; he only knew that, as people began gathering, the most important thing would be to drag Carter out of there. Tim didn't doubt that the news of what happened was already worming its way to Carter's dad. That was inevitable, especially on a busy street like this. But he would still be much more comfortable continuing this conversation in more private settings, and so he ended up dragging Carter along until they were relatively alone. At his friend's appreciative look, Tim simply raised an eyebrow, watching as he rubbed his arm. Though they hadn't gone very far, his heart was racing; Tim had a feeling it wasn't due to exertion.

As Carter replied to his question, Tim found it increasingly difficult to keep a stupid smile off his face. As his companion continued, a grin did manage to break through to the surface. Where moments before, Tim had been glum and exhausted, he suddenly felt lighthearted and alive. Carter loved him. After all they'd been through in the past few years, he loved him! It took Tim a while to remember how to speak, and once he did, he had no idea what to say. He supposed he should probably explain to Carter why he was so happy. But even now, knowing his feelings were returned, he couldn't figure out the right words. Plus, he was still on the verge of a serious laugh attack. He pressed his lips together, taking a moment to think, occasionally glancing at Carter. Finally, he gave up. There was really no clever way to say this. Instead of answering his friend's question, he stepped forward, wrapping him in a tight hug. Once he was certain he could speak without sounding like a mad man, he managed to mumble the sentence that had been fighting to get out since the very first time they kissed: "I love you, too." He half expected Carter to fling him off and ask what the hell he was doing, but whatever happened, at least he'd said it.

ooc couple of the decade, more like XD Bring on the awkward in-between stage. Hopefully this post isn't too.. anything =P

[carter dominic andrews]

Something Carter always did when in a bad situation was jump to conclusions, and of course even though Tim was telling him straight up it hadn't been his fault Carter still couldn't believe him. It had to at least be partially because of him for the way that Timmy had been lately, but just thinking that he'd had a hand in the others attitude made him feel terrible. It's not that he wanted to hurt Tim, and yet it seemed no matter what he did upset the other, especially lately, and he was just getting to the end of his rope. He couldn't tell his right from his wrong anymore when it came to Tim, and for that reason alone he was scared senseless since this was all foreign territory now. They had never made it to this level of a relationship, or whatever you want to call it, and that fact alone had Carter shaking in his sneakers figuratively of course. When he heard Tim tell him he believed him Carter just smiled and nodded, "I hope so, I don't really know what i'd do if you stopped believing me." Okay, that might have sounded pathetic, but the day that Carter lost Timmy's trust would end up being the worst day of his life.

The silence inbetween their words was enough to send Carter in a downward spiral to crazy town as he tried to grasp at straws to keep these two from getting any deeper into this arguement, but it didn't seem to work considering each time he opened his mouth he was digging a deeper hole. He felt that asking to be let in on what was upsetting Timmy was a reasonable request, but obviously that was too much for Tim as he couldn't bring himself to do it, and as Carter heard the sorry he was as confused as ever. There was something deep going on here and Tim couldn't even let him in to help figure it out. Not that Carter could do a good job of helping anyway considering it seemed that all he could do is add to his list of failures on a daily basis lately. "If it's what I have to do to make you happy I can and will," he heard Tim tell him not to change but knew something had to. Carter needed to mend this relationship before the two had one too many fights, and if changing would help he wouldn't think twice about it.

He knew about the drinking already so it wasn't really that big of an admission on Tim's part, and Carter wished he could just wave his hand and tell him it'd be done and over with, but he didn't want to straight up lie to the man so he just sighed scratching the back of his neck as he searched for the right words to say. "You know why I do it right? Drink? You do know that it has nothing to do with you, and most of the time i'm trying to hide from you so you don't have to put up with me wasted?" Of course that never seemed to happen since Tim had pretty much been the one person he called to come pick his drunk ass up at parties, but he just couldn't help it knowing that Tim would be the only one that'd be willing to help him at the drop of a hat. "Look, it was just a spur of the moment thing, and I don't think either of us were really in our normal state of mind. Her especially, look what she was going through, I just couldn't say-" he stopped because he was starting to force all the blame on her, and he knew that he had just as much to do with it as she did. He knew that it would hurt Chris and still went for it, so if he wanted to blame anyone it should be himself although she had a big part in it.

FINALLY something happened when Carter mentioned an attraction to Kate, you could see the obvious hurt in Tim's eyes, but still Carter was rather clueless as to why it'd upset him to think his friend had found someone attractive. Carter, although he knew he shouldn't, couldn't help but smirk and shrug when Tim started to go off on him about if he'd been in her situation and it'd been Becky beside him. "I'm sure i'd kiss you without needing persuasion," he wanted to kick himself in the teeth for saying something like that, and of course he knocked that cocky ass grin smirk off of his face as he listened to the rest of Tim's rant. "I made a fucking mistake, seriously Tim you need to just drop it, it's over and done with. She came to me with an idea and I went with it, it's just a kiss, what harm could it have possibly done?" He then rolled his eyes motioning between the two of them, "if I would have known all this would happen I might not have done it, but damnit it was just a kiss!" He had to keep the might in there just because he was a vindictive person that wanted nothing more this year than to make Chris jealous and piss him off, and this situation was definitely the perfect thing to do it.

The entire admission of his love for Timmy had not been planned, but what else was he supposed to do when the man had finally turned and was walking away for what could be the last time? Carter just had to lay it all out on the line, and to be honest he'd almost wanted Tim to just keep walking so he wouldn't feel as embarassed as he did at this very second. He could see Tim turn and just stare at him, but that did not seem to stop him as his words were just getting away from him, but after so many years of keeping this all hidden he felt that there was no need to hold back now. Tim was going to know how he felt and if that was it then so be it, at least Carter could hold his head up high knowing he'd told Tim his true feelings in the end. As Carter found comfort in pissing and moaning to the people who were crowding around he felt someone grab his arm, and when he'd realized it'd been Tim he just let the man drag him along like a dog without a leash. He stayed close behind the man tripping on his heels every once in a while as he kept his focus darting around at all the people who had been focused on them. "Jesus, you'd think we were some fucking circus act the way people are staring," he told himself trying to tuck his head behind Tim's so nobody else could recognize him. Boy was his father going to have a field day when he heard about this fiasco, but at this time that man was the last on Carter's mind.

He was content just keeping on down the street, so when Tim pulled them into an alleyway he was taken back and again almost tripped and fell, but he did catch himself so he only stumbled a bit before gaining composure once more. He was expecting Tim to be all silent or hollering at him or something, so the question and laughter took him off guard, but at least it meant that Tim wasn't mad at him anymore right? If anything he was probably just laughing at how much of a fool his best friend had been, but Carter wouldn't hold it against him considering his admission had been rather foolish. He had at least wished for a more romantic setting when he told Tim he loved him, and instead he got the crowded streets of NYC in a fight? He sighed knowing he had to take what he could get, and at least now that it was out in the open the two could move on from there and figure out the next step, one preferrably that didn't involve Tim running scared that his friend was gay for him. All this thoughts were swarming his mind, but the second he felt Timothy's arms around him embracing him in a tight hug all thoughts left his mind, and his arms reached up and wrapped around him hugging him back just as tightly. He couldn't think straight at the moment, but at least Tim still liked him enough to hug him so that was a good thing.

And that is when it happened, three words were sprung from Timothy's lips that Carter had waited so long to hear, and in an instant Carter felt like if he didn't keep his arms around Timmy he'd literally float off into the atmosphere. "You know you don't need to say it just to make me feel better," he had thought at first that the admission had been Tim's way of trying to correct the situation, but as he moved his hands to Tim's arms stepping back just enough to look him in the eye he could tell at that second that Timmy had been telling him the truth. "Hm, well now," he honestly had no idea what he was supposed to say, pretty much those three words were all he needed to hear and conversation seemed pointless, so without hesitation his lips crashed against Tim's giving him that kiss he'd been dying to all night, but of course with the fighting that obviously wasn't happening. He couldn't just stand there though knowing that Timmy loved him and not kiss him though, that'd be absolutely ridiculous, and not wanting to be apart from him he stepped in closer so there'd been no gap as he deepened the kiss, no holding back anymore.


[NOTES. told ya I had a post done ;] haha, I sorta rambled like usual, but Carter's all "YOU HAVEN'T USED ME IN FOREVER WOMAN SO DAMNIT I AM NOT GOING tO SHUT UP" yeah I have convo's with my charries, deal with it. I so know what he's going to do next, but I had to restrain from adding it in this post so haha, woot for already being two steps ahead!]

[/blockquote][/justify]

[afa]

At Carter's smile, Tim relaxed a bit. He seriously hated fighting with anybody - especially his best friend - and while he couldn't stand how easy it was for Carter to say one decent thing and calm him right down, he was glad for the brief break in the argument. He looked over at the man, feeling his lips twist into a ghost of a grin. While Carter wasn't always the most brilliant person, he had never outright lied to Tim. Just another thing to add to the list of why being mad at him was stupid and pointless. But, just this once, Tim wanted to stick to his guns. He was tired of giving in. He was tired of all of this; he needed a change. "Well," was his only reply, and he shrugged, smile fading once more. When he spoke again, he could tell that he was confusing his friend, but he couldn't quite find the words to explain himself properly.

It seemed that the more Tim tried to evade the topic, the more Carter pushed it, and when the man basically claimed he would be able to do anything to make Tim happy, Tim let out a small sigh. Love me, he thought, averting his eyes. Out loud, he begged, "just let it go," voice quiet and pleading. If he didn't leave soon, he knew Carter would see how close he was to being forgiven. He didn't doubt that his friend was just as tired of the constant strain on their relationship as himself, if not more. Tim almost wished changing were the answer. If at all possible, he would have forced himself to be completely straight, to stop feeling this strange tightness in his chest every time he looked into the other man's eyes. But the more he tried, the harder he fell. As Carter began to talk about drinking, Tim glanced back to his face, ignoring the racing of his heart.

"Yeah. Yeah, I know," he nodded, "but... why does it have to be your answer for everything life throws at you?" Tim really did not want to get into this right now, but Carter obviously wasn't about to let him go without talking about something. It shouldn't be too hard; he already knew how Tim felt about his getting wasted all the time. In fact, it seemed he'd been making an effort to stop lately. That, or he was just getting better at hiding it. To be honest, Tim preferred to know what the man was getting up to. It was better than being left in the dark to wonder if he was okay, or laying in a drunken stupor somewhere. As Carter began to explain what had happened in the hotel room, Tim groaned, running a hand over his face. He was so fucking tired of talking about this. "Okay. Fine. It's not like you can go back and change it now, anyway, so I'll just find a way to get over it." Unfortunately, he wasn't getting away that easily, because apparently Carter thought it would be helpful to mention that he found Kait attractive. And then to bring up Becky, and then, as if that weren't enough, say that he would have no problem kissing Tim himself... It just pissed Tim off all over again.As Carter responded to his angry outburst, he finally felt his emotions boil over. Before turning around for what he hoped would be the final time, Tim looked his friend right in the eye, not even trying to hide the pain he was feeling. "Just a kiss. It's always just a fucking kiss. What harm could a kiss ever do, hey? A kiss doesn't mean anything." Obviously, he wasn't talking about Kait any more. Already having done quite enough to reveal his secret, Tim moved to hurry away.

In retrospect, of course, he could have just as easily been the one standing out in front of the hotel yelling about being in love with his best friend, were he not such a wimp. It was the least he could do to get them the hell out of there. Hearing Carter's comment about people's stares, Tim simply shook his head. "Nah, there's nothing circus about this," he muttered sarcastically. Miraculously, nobody followed them into the alley, and Carter didn't even fall down once. With the way his words had been failing him throughout the evening, Tim didn't really say much. After all, what was there to say? He just needed to confirm that he hadn't imagined the other man's confession, and then he was home free. Besides, he had always been much more comfortable with the simplicity of hugs. Feeling Carter's arms fold comfortably around him, Tim could imagine the world falling back into place. Everybody can stop freaking out, he told his nerves calmly, it's all good out here.

And what better time to let Carter in on the joke? He had been in control of his amusement before the other man reacted, but once his friend spoke, Tim had to laugh. He still was when Carter pulled away. "Yup, it's true," he managed, watching as understanding became apparent on his face. Finally swallowing the giggles, Tim composed himself, still looking steadily back into the other man's eyes. Just as his lips had begun to take on the form of a smirk, Carter decided to provide them with another task. Tim responded to the kiss almost immediately. It had been so long since he'd allowed himself to give in to Carter like this, he didn't want to let a single second of this moment go to waste, and he let his arms slide back around the other man as he moved in closer. It was almost ridiculous to consider the fact that they were in this alley, making out only minutes after having the worst fight of their entire friendship, but it also made perfect sense. And Tim couldn't remember ever being happier in his entire life. In fact, if some sort of giant meteor fell from the sky and crushed them right now, he would only mind a little bit.

ooc so.. I was going to do other posts first, but apparently Tim was really hot for Carter more interested in this thread, so.. here you go P: I WANT TO KNOW WHAT HE'S GOING TO DO D:

[carter dominic andrews]

Just let it go? Did he seriously just tell him to do that? Carter stood there staring at him for a moment unable to understand what was going on. Usually he'd been the one that was pushing for subject changes and letting things go, and Tim was always the level headed one who needed to get to the bottom of something and rarely let things go, so what the hell was happening tonight? He was all sorts of confused, but instead of saying anything he simply glanced at the ground and picked his shoulders up quick to shrug, he wasn't going to argue a point when Tim wanted him to let it go. He knew if he said something to push the conversation it'd just keep getting heated, and that is not what either of them needed right now in the middle of all their peers in a NYC hotel.

"You got a better one? It's not like I can come to you whenever something isn't going my way. You got your own stuff to worry about, so it's not like you need me to unload on you," of course although he was saying this that did not mean that Carter didn't like to tell Tim anything about what was going on in his life. If anything it was just the opposite, it was almost as though Carter needed Tim to know what was going on in every aspect of his life, "sometimes beer is nothing more than a babysitter, at least I know it's not going to ask me questions and try to analyze anything." Yes, that had been all about Tim, but that was one of the things that Carter loved about him. When he had a problem he knew that Tim would do whatever it took to help him fix it, but sometimes he just didn't care to fix it and wanted to ignore, and that is when beer became his best friend.

He could tell that Tim was still mad even though he was trying to dismiss what had happened in the hospital room, but instead of saying anything he just nodded like he'd been ready to drop the subject, and that is when he had made the mistake of cracking the joke about kissing him. His eyes widened as he watched the outburst, his eyes unable to tear from Tim's gaze no matter how hard he wanted them to, and at the end of his short rant he gulped as he was finally able to look away, and his gaze found itself falling right back on the floor. "That is not what i'm saying and you know it," he could feel himself getting angry as he brought his gaze back up to meet Tim's, "but I can tell you right now that the kiss between her and I meant nothing," he could tell there was something eating away at Tim, but with his own anger he was having a hard time decoding the message though it was becoming as bright as day.

He really wished that he had not been angry and upset when he had blurted out he loved his friend, but as he watched him walk away from him that is all he could think to do. He could tell the end was near, the friendship would never be the same as it had been before the whole hospital fiasco, but Carter had hoped with the display he'd just done they'd at least be able to do something to keep their friendship at least somewhat together. He wasn't sure of anything really at this moment though, but that didn't seem to matter when he'd felt his friend pulling him in a direction away from the spot he'd been standing. He could hear the sarcasm laced in his words and just huffed out a somewhat apologetic chuckle, him being sorry for everything that had happened tonight, and when he'd been released when the two reached the alley he just bent down some catching his breathe as his hands were resting on his knees. He was surprised he hadn't puked yet with all the nerves that had been going through his system, but he seemed to be holding himself together at least.

Hearing that Tim had loved him back made him feel so much better, and when the other hugged him he could feel his entire body warming up against the cold air that had been all around them. The kiss, well there was nothing that he could even say about that other than it being pure perfection, but then again most all of the kisses exchanged between Carter and Tim had been amazing in Carter's opinion. He never wanted their lips to part but had to speak so he pulled away from the kiss placing his forehead against the other mans catching his breathe once more, "well aren't we just a couple of gays tonight, must be something in the water or something," he cracked the joke though he had never minded the word gay, and he knew that's exactly what he'd been, or at least for Timothy. He found it hilarious that he'd had such a crush on his best friend, and yet he hadn't really found any of the other men around all that attractive.

He couldn't keep his lips from Tim's for too long though so he went and gave him another peck, a smile instantly lighting up his face, "your kisses mean more to me than you could ever imagine," he whispered as his forehead had still been against the others. "From the first time we kissed it's never been just nothing," he brought the conversation that Tim had earlier with him in the hotel. He brought his hands up and rested them against the sides of Tim's face as he pulled his head from his so he could look him straight in the eye, "you have always meant the world to me, don't think i'd ever take anything we've done together for granted," he had to assure him that everything had meant something. He leaned back in planting a soft kiss against Tim's lips, this time taking his time instead of rushing in to ravage him.

NOTES. so I was going to make you wait another day for a reply since I was getting tired, and then I was sitting here going "you know what? I should post for kitty because tarter's epic" and then TADA a post before bedtime! I hope this one makes sense, i'm a bit tired so it might be somewhat jumbled.

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[afa]

As Carter stared at Tim, Tim stared back, wondering what was going on in the other man's head. He knew that he wasn't acting entirely normal at the moment. In fact, he felt like he was going crazy. The whole trip had been a gong show as far as their friendship was concerned; he couldn't wait for it to be over. Fortunately, Carter didn't push the topic. Unfortunately, their fight wasn't yet over. At his friend's question, Tim raised an eyebrow, lifting his shoulders in a shrug. "I dunno. Write an song about it?" He wasn't quite sure whether that had been a serious suggestion, or if he'd just needed to come up with some sort of alternative, but it wasn't the worst thing he could've said. As Carter continued, Tim prepared to speak, to tell him that he didn't mind being unloaded on. However, when Carter mentioned that beer was a babysitter who wouldn't try to analyse everything, he felt the words catch in his throat. "Sorry for trying to help," he mumbled, looking away. It had always been in his nature to try to make things better, and he didn't like to think that it was one of the reasons Carter preferred to drown his sorrows in the bottle.

Tim knew he'd shocked the other man with his outburst, and he was glad. Even if he hadn't come right out and admitted how he felt, it still felt good to get that much off his chest. As Carter spoke, a tiny part of Tim wanted to pick away at his words, to find the meaning hidden behind him. However, he stopped himself. It wouldn't do to find a reason for false hope, especially when they probably wouldn't be speaking to each other for the rest of the holiday season. "That's sure what it sounded like from here," he pointed out, some of the venom still remaining in his voice. He rolled his eyes when Carter repeated that the kiss between him and Kait hadn't meant anything. "I already told you I'll get over it," he called back over his shoulder, making his way down the street.

Of all the things Carter could've said to make him turn around again, Tim hadn't been expecting his friend to play the ultimate hand. At Carter's words, Tim went from upset and disgruntled to euphoric in record time. He almost wanted to ask the man if he had some other best friend he didn't know about. Or if, by 'madly in love,' he actually meant.. well, Tim couldn't think of an alternative meaning for those words, but it was entirely possible that one existed. However, those questions would have to wait, as getting the man off that busy street was more important. If there were anything Carter was good at besides music, it was making a scene, and Tim needed to get him out of there before he dug an even deeper hole for himself. Not that his dad wouldn't know about his son's outburst by the morning anyway.

Tim wouldn't have minded keeping his arms wrapped around Carter for the rest of the evening. He was still having trouble believing that all of that had just happened, and he was sure it wouldn't sink in for quite some time. It was kind of like finally getting that bike you'd always wanted from Santa: you were terrified someone would tell you there'd been a mistake, that it would have to be taken away. Well, Tim would hold onto his bicycle with a death grip if it came to that. The kiss was another thing he could definitely do all night. In fact, he wanted this whole moment to last forever. As Carter pulled away, Tim let out a long sigh, opening his eyes and looking directly into the other man's. He laughed somewhat breathlessly at his friend's words, then smirked. "Could be, except I haven't had any water recently. Maybe it was the chocolates they put on the beds." Damn good chocolates, he added to himself.

As Carter's lips found his again, Tim tightened his grip on the other man, feeling warm despite the cold of the night. He could see his own happiness reflected in his companion's face. This whole thing was crazy. Really, it always had been. That was what made it so great. As Carter spoke, Tim pressed his lips together, taken off guard by his sincerity. Rather than saying anything, he just nodded, feeling Carter's hands on the sides of his face. As his friend continued, Tim gave him a mischievous half-smile, raising his own hand to mess the man's hair. "You're such a sap," he told him, then added, "I love it. I love everything about you." His hand found its way back to its original place as Carter leaned in for another kiss. He easily fell into the slower rhythm. Gradually, the realization that they had all the time in the world was sinking in. No more dancing around the subject, no more doubt, no more second guessing. Just the truth. These thoughts had Tim smiling against Carter's lips, and he deepened the kiss, still careful not to go too quickly.

ooc WHOOOOOOO.

[carter dominic andrews]

Tim's answer to his question had him standing there motionless for a moment thinking about what he'd just said. Write a song about it, honestly it hadn't been all that bad of an idea, "we both know I have absolutely no talent when it comes to writing songs," plus with all his feelings swirling around in his head they'd end up being crap about loving and losing someone, or in his case losing them before they were even his due to circumstances. Why had he fallen for his best friend? He could have had any of the women around and yet he had to choose to fall for someone that was pretty much off limits. Hearing Tim then tell him he'd been sorry Carter just sighed shaking his head, things were not going according to plan tonight, but that's what happens when the plan is just to throw caution into the wind and go in without an inhibitions. "I didn't mean it like that, I just, I didn't mean it like that." He had to repeat that just so Tim didn't think he had been the reason Carter drank. If anything he'd been the only one capable of getting him to put the drink down, and that is something he should be proud about.

Everything that Tim was saying to Carter today was cutting like a knife, it'd hurt like you couldn't believe, and yet although a normal person might have just left and dealt with it at another time Carter couldn't bare to move. Tim was hurting too much, and he had known that it had been all his fault, so he had to do something to make it all right again. Sure, he knew that it was almost impossible to be able to turn the clock back and fix what he had broken, but maybe he could find another way around it. "Well I must have said it wrong because i'd never mean it that way," he shook his head wanting to reach out to comfort the boy, but instead he just kept his hands awkwardly at his side not having a clue what he should be doing with them at this moment. "You shouldn't have to because there's nothing to get over, the kiss was absolutely nothing, you should just forget about it all together," he wished that Tim would have never seen it happen, that way even if the rumor had gotten out Carter could have denied it, but then again just the thought of lying to his friend was killing him inside.

He knew that it was now or never, and although he had wished he could have picked never and not had to put himself on the spot like that he couldn't help the words from coming out. He wished it could have been in a more private setting, but maybe having all those people around would help prove his point that he did love him. It wasn't something that Carter could just joke about, especially infront of such a large crowd of people, so as Tim turned around and looked at him he could tell that he'd understood and believed him, and the second their eyes connected Carter felt free for once. Free from the restrictions that bound him as he'd tried to hide his love for Tim for so many years, and now that it'd all been out in the open he felt his body lighten up enough that he could have just floated off had Tim not came and grabbed ahold of his arm. Still he couldn't tell if his feet were touching the ground as Tim dragged him off, or if he was simply floating and Tim easily pulling him in the direction needed to go.

Once in the alley everything changed between them, and they were from being two best friends to two men who were in love with one another, and all Carter wanted to do was hold him and protect him, all things that he'd do when in a relationship, but at this time he just didn't know what was going on. He had almost expected to wake up from this dream to find himself laying next to Leonardo Dicaprio who had just played hopscotch in his brain for the past five minutes. The kiss couldn't last forever though as Carter took that step back immediately feeling awkward to be so far away from Tim (when in reality there was hardly any space standing between them), but at least he'd lightened his feelings when he brought up being a couple of gays. The word was still foreign to his tongue, though of course he'd known that had been exactly what he was, but at the same time it still felt weird to consider Tim as one as well. "We should probably find another word to call this." He pointed between the two of them before bursting out laughing at the chocolates comment, "I didn't get my chocolate though, I didn't stay in the room long enough because someone had their knickers in a knot," he had heard the saying the other day and instantly loved it, and any chance to pick on Tim he just had to use it.

He could not keep from kissing him though as instinctively his lips had found their rightful partners, and he'd felt the best he ever had when he could feel Tim's grip tightening around him. He could tell that Tim wanted this just as bad as he did, and for that alone he was on top of the world and nothing could bring him down. He figured now that he'd gotten the first i love you off his chest he'd been due for another one, and of course he'd probably tell him fifty more times tonight since he'd held it back for so long. He couldn't help himself, tonight he had been too happy to care, and it didn't seem like Tim would matter too much if Carter kept mentioning it. He laughed as he was called a sap though and shrugged some, "Yeah but you-" was about to say love it before Tim beat him to the punch, and then he added that little bit of sap right on the end himself causing Carter to grin as wide as he could. Everything was turning out perfect tonight and there was nothing that could bring him down from his high. "Now who's the sappy one, huh?" he smirked as his lips brushed against Tim's before his companion deepened the kiss as lightning seemed to shock Carter's entire system at Tim's very touch. "We might not want to go back to the room tonight, i'm not going to be able to let you go and they might have a problem with that," he spoke after breaking the kiss once more, they being the girls they were rooming with. "Plus I sort of want you all to myself tonight." He crashed his lips back against Tim's with as much intensity as before unable to keep them apart for too long without constantly wanting more.

NOTES. I couldn't leave it at that and had MEGA MASSIVE carter muse this morning!

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[afa]

Tim shrugged, slipping back into his old habit of refusing to let Carter give up so easily. "Write a melody." It had been very clever of his friend to change the topic like he had, as Tim was momentarily distracted with problem-solving and no longer picturing the monstrosity he'd witnessed at the hospital. Of course, the whole drinking issue wasn't exactly rainbows and butterflies, either, and Tim soon found himself back in the pits of uncertainty and mild despair. He said nothing as his companion claimed he hadn't meant it like that, though he understood. Neither of them had ever been the best with words. He almost felt bad for taking the other man's words the wrong way when he could have easily figured out their actual meaning.

As upset as Tim was, he could see how this fight was affecting Carter, too. It was just so hard: they'd never been the kind to argue like this, to shout accusations and get in each other's faces. Especially not in such a public setting. He could see his own exasperation reflected in his friend's eyes. There could be no doubt that both of them were simply tired of this, and Tim wanted to get out of there before he hurt the other any more. "It's fine. I can't... think right now, okay? I can't do this." All Tim wanted to do was forgive Carter like he always had. He wanted to wrap him in a giant hug, to tell him that it was okay, that he knew the man never meant to hurt anybody. At least, not him. But how many times could they really play out that same old scene? How many more days could Tim go waiting for the opportunity to either tell Carter how he felt or, somehow, get over him? He told himself that, by leaving, he wasn't abandoning him. He was simply putting some space between them, giving himself a moment to calm down and take a breath.

Of course, in a matter of seconds Tim found himself suddenly lifted to the highest high. The world had been black and grey, and now it was full of colour and life, and even as his automatic GTFO mechanism kicked in, he was still floating around up in space, grinning like some sort of crazy, painted jack-in-the-box clown. In fact, by the time they reached the ally, he had completely forgotten how he'd come to be there, as if he'd never dragged his friend through the streets of New York in the first place. He couldn't think of a single thing to do but hug the man and tell him how he felt, and then they were sort of looking at each other in disbelief, and then Carter was kissing him and he still felt the inexplicable need to dissolve into a pool of laughter. Actually, if only he could figure out how to breath, he would've done exactly that. As it was, he still had a rather dumbfounded look on his face when the other man pulled away, and could still only stare at him.

When Carter began to speak, however, Tim forced himself to snap out of it. As far as he was concerned, he would be spending the rest of his damn life staring at his companion. Now was a time for lame witty commentary and general reality checks. "Right," he nodded at Carter's suggestion, unable to kick his mind into gear enough to think of an appropriate name, "like what?" Love, the cheap, corny side of his mind suggested. He ignored it, though he secretly agreed. Love is love, people are people, or something like that. When the other man blamed him for not being able to eat the chocolate, Tim gave him a sheepish grin, glancing away. "Yeah, er, about that..." His expression became slightly more serious as he remembered exactly what he'd said, and he winced, unable to believe the words had even formed in his mind, let alone escaped his mouth. He looked back to his friend earnestly, biting his lip. "I don't even know why I said that. You're always welcome to dinner, and I have no idea why I brought your dad into it." Actually, having said something like that when he knew what Carter had been going through with his parents kind of freaked Tim out. How could he have been so cruel to someone he loved so much?

Fortunately, it didn't seem to be too much of a problem, as the other man's lips quickly met his own once more. He half-wished he possessed one of those time remotes, just so he could replay that moment forever and ever. Tim was so happy, he felt as if his heart were about to explode out of his chest and take over the universe or something epic like that. He smiled into the kiss, imagining what a scene that would be; his heart sitting triumphantly up on some giant golden throne, and him and Carter still in this alleyway, completely oblivious to the fact that the world now belonged to an organ-muscle hybrid. Tim laughed, too, at his clever interruption. He was so elated, he was sure half the things coming out of his mouth from that point on would be laced with cheesiness and the essence of romantic comedies. Furthermore, he didn't even care.

"Between the two of us, we probably have enough sap to fill a maple tree," Tim joked, unable to resist. Besides, it was a classic, though he was suddenly hungry for pancakes and maple syrup. He had just begun to get into the next kiss when Carter pulled away yet again. He rolled his eyes as the man spoke, though he couldn't deny that his friend had a good point. "Yeah, that would be all kinds of awkward," he agreed, back to chewing on his lip. He really needed to stop doing that. He was also a bit worried about Cadie, what with the flashback he'd witnessed. Her and Charlie would probably be better off alone in the room, not having to worry about Tim and Carter listening in on private conversations and whatnot.

"Greedy-" Tim began, but apparently Carter couldn't wait for him to finish, and Tim found his sentence snubbed down to a simple, "-mmph," as the man started kissing him yet again. He didn't have much time to be offended, though, as his friend's intensity soon distracted him. Freed from having to hide his true feelings, Tim responded in an almost challenging manner, making up for the first few moments of surprise. Then, a thought jumped into his head, and it was his turn to pull away. "Where'll we go instead?" he asked, before stealing yet another kiss.


ooc Really? Was that an Inception reference you threw in there, Ms. Heather? Is the van still falling somewhere? How many levels down are we? Oh, God, my brain's going to explode D: AND WTF TARTER, JUST GET A ROOM ALREADY i like it

[carter dominic andrews]

Tim was quick, Carter had to give him that much, and now all he was left doing was staring with a blank expression trying to come up with some sharp comment to throw back at him. He couldn't though, Timmy had won this round, so instead he just shrugged, "I guess, fine, I could do that if I wanted, you're right." It was harder than hell to admit when he had been beaten, so what he would end up doing was making it sound as sarcastic as possible so Tim really had to work for that victory. Things seemed to be going downhill fast as Tim took the first chance he got to hightail it out of there, or at least tell Carter that would soon be the case, "should I mark it in the calendar? First time you couldn't think, it's a milestone," why in the world was he being an ass? He hated that out of everything that he could come up with a snarky rude remark was the first to pop into his head. He groaned taking a step back just in case Timmy got the courage to swing, being like Carter was right now deserved a hit, but instead of hitting him Carter just dropped his attention to Tim's feet as they turned and started in a direction that was away from him. Tim was leaving, this time it could have been for good as their friendship had reached an all time low, and Carter could not let himself be the one that held his feelings in until it was too late, so as if a fire had been lit in the pit of his stomach he just blurted out everything that he had been holding onto. He laid all of his cards on the table, and boy did it feel good as he stood there, and he didn't even realize the world around him that was buzzing about what he had just done.

He hadn't expected Tim to come back and get him, but he did and soon the two were in the ally, and instead of being mad it seemed that Tim was actually excited about the admission. Carter was confused, but most of that had to do with the fact that it was finally sinking in that he had just blurted something out like that, and the setting where it had happened was all starting to piece itself back together as a very vivid image was being drawn in his mind. His instinct was to go into some form of shock as his body just stood there frozen, but that did not last long as Tim was talking to him and Carter needed to focus on listening. Hearing the admission that he loved him too sent Carter into another state of shock, but this too was easy to snap out of as Carter found he'd had one thing on his mind and one thing only, what his friends lips felt like against his own. He was no longer just his best friend, but now he was his lover and boyfriend, or was he his boyfriend yet? Was he supposed to ask him, take his hand like you would a marriage proposal and say Tim, would you be my boyfriend? Or after you admit your feelings is it pretty much just a formality that you would be boyfriend-boyfriend now, like neither has to mention it but it still makes it so? He had no idea how this worked, but it didn't matter right now because he'd had Tim. There was nobody else that would have the chance to be with this man, and for that Carter could not stop grinning. Things were looking up in his life right now, he had finally won after all these struggles, and all he wanted to do right now was bask in this glory right now.

When asked what other word he should call them than gay Carter tried to think, and nothing was coming to his mind as he was starting to get discouraged, but then the biggest grin came to his face as he leaned in and brushed another kiss against Tim's lips, his hand resting on the back of his neck pulling him in some to deepen the kiss before he broke it soon after, but did keep his lips close to Tim's feeling the warmth still generating between the both of them. "Soulmates," he could not believe he'd just made that incredible leap, and with that he took a step back nervous as could be as he turned to look in any other direction but Tim. He had always thought about that word when Tim was mentioned, but he had never had the nuts to say it outloud, so when it just slipped out he couldn't help but turn into a ball of giant nerves. He took some deep calming breaths until he could finally relax again as he turned to face him, and just then he heard the about that... and his eyes widened as his mouth dropped open, "You ate my chocolate didn't you? You walked over to my bed and ate my chocolate didn't you?" He looked horrified, not that it mattered though considering Carter could go buy most of a candy store if he wanted, but seeing that Tim had became unsettled he had to change that. Then he heard the next bit, dinner and his father, and he just sighed as he took a few steps back until he could feel a buildings wall against his back. "Oh, you weren't just talking about something as simple as eating my chocolate," he became quiet for a moment as he thought back about the fight they'd had right before Carter had left the room, and it did upset him for a moment, but he could not dwell on that.

It wasn't until now that everything sunk in as Carter stood up straight from his leaning position and stared at Tim, "this all just happened didn't it? I just stood in the middle of New York City and yelled my feelings for my best friend, a man i've known almost my entire life, infront of a shit ton of people. I did do that, shit, didn't I? Oh fuck, this is not good, this can not be good, my father, oh he is going to flip, oh shit, right the fuck out, flip right the shit out, I mean fuck out, oh damn." He was rambling as he found himself starting to pace back and forth unable to stand in one spot. Had Tim not mentioned his father, though it had been Carter's nudge that had brought that person up, he would have been happy and carefree right now, but now as he knew the news was more than likely getting back to his father he couldn't help but freak out. "They are going to be so pissed when they find out, not that it should matter, but damnit I did not think this through, we're going to be in so much-" he was about to say trouble when he stopped right infront of his friend and looked into his eyes. They had been in trouble before, take the bar fight for example, but why was Carter so worried about a man that he could care less about? Here he was with the love of his life and he was worried about what his father would say? Damnit he had his wires crossed, "if he was any good at being a father you know what he should say? About damn time," he grinned walking up to Tim pressing his body against his as he kissed him once more.

He could hear the laughter coming from Tim and was confused for a second as he took a step back to look at him, "am I really that bad of a kisser?" He asked, his lips pouting out some as his eyes sulked the best they could. "Are you going to let me in on the joke?" He wanted to know what was so funny just so he could laugh too, it seemed only fair after all the explaining and announcing he'd just done. When he heard the sap comment he couldn't help but laugh as he rolled his eyes some, "leave it to you to come up with the lamest things at the lamest moments," he joked before his lips were right back against Tim's. It was rather funny how he could barely go a minute without a kiss from the other man. He saw himself needing to buy some chapstick before the end of the night. "I could sneak us another room, i'm sure the school wouldn't figure it out, we could put it under a surname or something. That's what they call those right?" He could imagine him and Tim sneaking around in the hotel to be with one another while the school had no idea. They could put on suits and pretend to be secret agents, and maybe could even fight some invisible ninjas down a hall or two on their way to their secret room. He was glad that Tim seemed to agree, "great, so it's settled." Not that Tim had an opinion in the case, Carter would have picked him up and dragged him to the other room if he had to. Not that he could though since he was rather weak and Tim was slightly bigger than him. It wouldn't stop him from trying then, and whoever was around better tape that and put that shit on youtube because it'd be hilarious.

"I know this is going to sound so lame, and it's probably going to put the sap for our maple tree over the top, but I don't even want to move from this spot," he smirked as Tim stole another kiss and Carter's mouth hung open a little in shock, "cause I always have to steal my kisses from you," he couldn't help but start to sing that song in the middle of the ally hoping his friend knew the words and could sing along a little, he'd always had the better voice of the two. "I will take you wherever you want to go, the sky's the limits, just not literally of course, can't take you to the moon." How awesome would that be? They could go and visit his heart that's controlling the universe if they could get into orbit, but for now they'd have to settle for NYC, not that it mattered considering the company made it all worth it.


NOTES. HAHAHA I forgot about my Inception reference was a good movie though so it doesn't matter. We'd be in limbo right now since this just seems like an alternate universe where Carter and Timmy are actually -gasp- honest and open! They do need a room though when / if it came down to that I don't think neither would know what to do so it'd end up a major fail. HAHAHA.

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